HBO is Great
Died: June 22, 2008
Adult language aside, we would do well to emulate George Carlin.
He routinely achieved readability scores that many professional writers
have never touched even once in their entire lives.
(1:08) "I'm tired of being told who to admire in this country. Aren't you sick of being told who your heroes ought to be? Ya know? Being told who you ought to be looking up to. I'll choose my own heroes, thank you very much."
We Like War (1992)
(2:24) "We're not very good at anything else anymore! Can't build a decent car, can't make a tv set or a vcr worth a fuck, got no steel industry left, can't educate our young people, can't get healthcare to our old people. But we can bomb the shit out of your country alright! We can bomb the shit out of your country alright! . . . Especially if your country is full of brown people. Oh we like that don't we. That's our hobby! That's our new job in the world, bombing brown people. Iraq, Panama, Grenada, Libya, you got some brown people in your country, tell 'em to watch the fuck out, or we'll god damn bomb them! Well, when's the last white people you can remember that we bombed? Can you remember the last white, can you remember any white people, we've ever bombed?! The Germans! Those are the only ones. And that's only because they were trying to cut in on our action; they wanted to dominate the world. Bullshit, that's our fuckin' job! That's our fuckin' job! . . . Now we only bomb brown people. Not because they're trying to cut in on our action, just because they're brown."
(4:03) "I got this real moron thing I do, it's called, thinking! And I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions. I don't just roll over when I'm told to. Sad to say, most Americans just roll over on command. Not me. I have certain rules I live by; my first rule, I don't believe anything the government tells me. Nothing! Zero! Nope! And I don't take very seriously the media or the press in this country..."
The American Dream / The Owners (2005)
^Click for pop-up transcript.
(0:26) "Forget the politicians! The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. You don’t! You have no choice. You have owners. They own you! They own everything. They own all the important land. They own and control the corporations. They’ve long since bought and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets, and they own all the big media companies so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. They got ya by the balls!"
You Have No Rights (2008)
(7:14) "In 1942, there were 110,000 Japanese-American citizens in good standing, law abiding people; who were thrown into internment camps simply because their parents were born in the wrong country. That's all they did wrong. They had no right to a lawyer, no right to a fair trial, no right to a jury of their peers, no right to due process of any kind. The only right they had 'right this way' into the internment camps. Just when these American citizens needed their rights the most, their government took 'em away. And rights aren't rights if someone can take 'em away! Their privileges, that's all we have ever had in this country is a bill of temporary privileges. And if you read the news even badly, you know that every year, the list gets shorter and shorter and shorter. Sooner or later the people in this country are gonna realize the government does not give a fuck about them! The government doesn't care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare, or your safety; it simply doesn't give a fuck about you. It's interested in its own power, that's the only thing, keeping it and expanding it wherever possible."
(1:02) "They still want to tell you what you can say on the radio. The FCC, the Federal Communications Commision, decided all by itself that radio and television were the only two parts of American life not protected by the free speech provisions of the First Amendment to the Constitution. I'd like to repeat that because it sounds vaguely important! The FCC, an appointed body, not elected, answerable only to the president, decided on its own that radio and television were the only two parts of American life not protected by the First Amendment to the Constitution."
George Carlin Philosophy
(1:15) "I don't have a stake in the outcome; I personally enjoy this circus that I've been invited to. I've often said, when you are born in this world you are given a ticket to the freak show, when you are born in America you are given a front row seat. And I couldn't enjoy it more."
(4:00) "When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts, it will not be with jack boots, it will be Nike sneakers and smiley shirts, smiley, smiley. Germany lost the Second World War, fascism won it; believe me my friend."
(5:00) "They are openly driving the bus and we are all in the back."
(5:26) "There used to be seven oil companies, there are now three, it will soon be two. The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are 2 political parties, there are a handful of insurance companies, there are about 6 or 7 information things. But if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors cause you have the illusion, you have the illusion of choice. You don't get the real important choices. There is no freedom of choice."
Saving the Planet (1992)
(1:15) "We're so self important, so self important. Everybody's gonna save something now. Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails. And the greatest arrogance of all, save the planet. What?! Are these fucking people kidding me? Save the planet?! We don't even know how to take care of ourselves yet. We haven't learned how to care for one another. We're gonna save the fuckin' planet?!"
(2:03) "Besides, environmentalists don't give a shit about the planet. They don't care about the planet. Not in the abstract they don't; not in the abstract they don't. You know what they're interested in? A clean place to live. Their own habitat. They're worried that some day in the future, they might be personally inconvenienced. Narrow, unenlightened self-interest, doesn't impress me. Besides, there is nothing wrong with the planet, nothing wrong with the planet. The planet is fine; the people are fucked."
Assassination (2005)
(5:45) "Here’s an interesting form of murder we came up with, assassination. You know what’s interesting about assassination? Well, not only does it change those popularity polls in a big fuckin’ hurry, but it’s also interesting to notice who it is we assassinate. Did you ever notice who it is, stop to think of who it is we kill? It’s always people who have told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Jesus, Ghandi, Lincoln, John Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Medger Evers, Malcom X, John Lennon. They all said, 'try to live together peacefully'. BAM! Right in the fuckin head. Apparently we’re not ready for that."
George Carlin and Bill Hicks
(0:23) "That's the way the ruling class operates in any society. They try to divide the rest of the people. They keep the lower and the middle classes fighting with each other, so that they, the rich, can run off with all the fucking money. Fairly simple thing, happens to work. You know, anything different, that's what they're gonna talk about. Race, religion, ethic and national background, jobs, income, education, social status, sexuality. Anything they can do to keep us fighting with each other, so that they can keep going to the bank."
The Baby Boomers and Politicians (1996)
(6:41) "Now there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: Politicians. Everybody complains about politicians. Everybody says 'They suck'! Well, where do people think these politicians come from? They don't fall out of the sky. They don't pass through a membrane from another reality. They come from American parents, American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses, American universities and they're elected by American citizens. This is the best we can do, folks. This is what we have to offer. It's what our system produces: Garbage in, Garbage out! If you have selfish ignorant citizens, if you have selfish ignorant citizens you’re going to get selfish ignorant leaders. And term limits ain’t gonna do you any good, you’re just gonna wind up with a brand new bunch of selfish ignorant Americans. So maybe, maybe, maybe it’s not the politicians who suck. Maybe something else sucks around here… like, the public. Yeah, the public sucks, there’s a nice campaign slogan for somebody, 'the public sucks, fuck hope, fuck hope!'"
(9:29) "So I know that a little later on this year you're gonna have another one of those really swell presidential elections that you like so much. You enjoy yourselves, it will be a lot of fun. I'm sure as soon as the election is over your country will improve immediately. As for me, I'll be home on that day doing essentially the same thing as you, the only difference is, when I get finished masturbating, I'm gonna have a little something to show for it folks."
Archive of American TV Interview (2007)
Word Processors, Environmentalists, Religion, Politics, Materialism, and The Corporatocracy
(15:23) "I had always been a pot smoker; I'd always been a beer drinker."
(19:41) "So this whole thing, 'we have to save the planet by not putting diapers in the landfill'. That's too short sighted; that doesn't do anything. You have to change yourself, and we'll never do that. Because their dollars now, everybody wants a dollar and a toy. Everybody has a cellphone that'll make pancakes and rub their balls. So nobody wants to rock the boat, nobody wants to change; don't change anything. We're in a nice downward glide. I call it circling the drain. That's what I'm gonna call my next book. Circling the drain, and the circles get smaller and smaller, faster and faster; if you watch a drain, if you watch a sink. 'Swiss' And we'll be gone. It's fine, I welcome it. I wish I could live a thousand years and watch it happen, from a distance, so I could see it all."
(20:32) "I gave up on this stuff. I gave up on my species, and I gave up on my fellow Americans; I gave up on my countrymen. Because I think they all, I think we squandered the great gifts. I think humans were given great great gifts. Walking upright, binocular vision, opposable thumb, large brain making tools, make tools large brain, large brain make better tools, talk have to learn language, you take this put it in here, we learned language brain got bigger, language we grew. We had great gifts, and we gave it up, all up, for both money and god."
(23:12) "I watch the freak show, and I got my notes, and I make up stuff about it, and I talk about the freaks. The freaks are all human and they're like me, and they're all the same, we're all the same. I'm not better, I'm not different; I'm just apart now. I'm separate; I'm over here because I put myself out of the mix. I don't have a stake in the outcome; I'm not a cheerleader for a given outcome now."
Fear of Germs (1999)
(0:00) "Cause that's what American's do now; they're always willing to trade away a little of their freedom in exchange for the feeling, the illusion, of security."
Religion (1999)
(1:25) "He loves you, and he needs money! He always needs money! He's all powerful, all perfect, all knowing and all wise; somehow, just can't handle money. Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more. Now, you talk about a good bullshit story, holy shit!"